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Book Reviews |
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Praise for Growing Down Thank you so much for an enlightening book about dementia and Alzheimer’s. I devour anything I can read on the subject, primarily to validate my own feelings of frustration and inadequacy. It is a horrible disease and you have helped bring awareness to the caregivers, who are often lost in the maze of care-giving! J. Bailey, Editor Florence, SC. USA |
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Amazon Review - 5.0 out of 5 stars An Intimate Look at Caring for Baba, March 12, 2010 By Brenda Avadian "TheCaregiversVoice.com" (Southern California) This review is from: Growing Down: Surviving My Mother's Dementia (Paperback) Former teacher turned caregiver and author, Pat Jones, offers an intimate look at caring for her mother affectionately referred to as Baba, as she steadily loses her independence and self to Alzheimer's. Jones, like many caregiver-turned-authors, shares recollections of self-sacrifice bordering on heroism in order to provide the best care she can for her loved one. At the same, time she retreats from day-to-day social interactions into her remote Canadian country home where she feels lonely and insecure about whether or not she is making the right decisions for Baba. Growing Down: Surviving My Mother's Dementia chronicles eight years of Pat's recollections caring for her mom with excerpts from her diary, which vividly illustrate the day-to-day vacillations of caregiving. Pat Jones' mother was born in 1914, the sixth of twelve children. She was an independent person who meticulously monitored nearly all aspects of her life. While a nurse she emphasized charting patients' prescription medications. Even in retirement she insisted her daughter do the same. Ironically, as dementia's grip tightened, she overdosed on her own medications. Pat relates the daily ups and downs of caregiving in detail. What's impressive is how similarly caregivers' journeys unfold. While the details may differ the patterns are the same. While Pat attends to Baba's increasing care needs, she neglects her own health. She learns almost too late, that she has cancer. Weakened by the treatments, she has to place her mom in a home while she recovers. However, once she regains her strength, she brings Baba home to live with her, again. As the disease progresses, the challenges get to be too much. Incontinence is a major burden on caregivers and Pat describes the pungent urine smell locked in soiled clothing and bedding and the daily loads of wash that disable her septic system. She describes her mother as suffering from periods of "mind blind." She doesn't see or comprehend. Pat describes an incident when her mother grew angry and even got out of bed to throw something at Pat after insisting on wanting a glass of water despite the fresh glass of water sitting on her night stand. Paranoia strikes as she interprets the wood stove's flames shadows dancing on the walls as Pat dancing naked with her son-in-law. Despite the confusion, anger, and embarrassment, Pat admits that a fleeting moment of joy with her mother easily erases all negativity. Sometimes, while reading caregivers' journeys, one tries to imagine what the people look like. Growing Down satisfies this curiosity with over twenty family photos. Pat also offers helpful tips throughout. There can rarely be too many stories about caregiving. Each expresses uniquely what caregivers need while increasing awareness and understanding among others--especially well-written ones like E.P. Jones' Growing Down. Reviewed by Brenda Avadian, MA on March 6, 2010 Editor of The Caregiver's Voice Book Review |
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5.0 out of 5 stars - Barnes & Nobile Review
Hi Pat, Your book arrived this week from Barnes & Noble. To say I enjoyed it almost seems to me like telling you I liked hearing of your struggle as you valiantly and with conviction cared for your Mom. That is not the case. I am so proud to know you! To have the courage to do all the things you did for her during her struggle, and yours, is almost unbelievable! Can't imagine how you stuck with your commitment but you did it, with little regard for your own personal time or comfort. Then to have the intestinal fortitude to write an account of those years in your own way, just telling it like it was, is something of which you can be proud. I have to tell you that since I know you it was almost like we were sitting having a drink or a coffee (a drink, I think) and you were telling me of all the trials you went through. It seemed very personal to me. The other thing was the pictures - having known your girls when they were young it was wonderful to see them as the women they have become. You have a great bunch. I do regret not having been there for you to help in some way. Don't know what I could have done except just be there! Very grateful to Millie for having let me know of your book in the first place. Otherwise I never would have known of its existence. Good old Mildred, keeping us abreast of what's happening on the other side of the mountains! Early morning, so will close for now to get on with my Saturday. Hope you have a great day and please keep in touch. Sending much love - Liv Liv Hotner Aldergrove, B.C. |
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Hi Pat, Congratulations on having your book "Growing Down" published. Great book! I read it from cover to cover. You were so candid about what this terrible disease does to a loved one and how it affects the family. I had mixed emotions: smiling one minute (your childhood years..your Mom's zest for life), tears the next (the many challenges you had to endure). Knowing your Mom I felt great sadness as she slowly slipped away and at the same time I felt great empathy for you. Sincerely, Pat Thomson Leaskdale, Ontario |
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Just wanted you to know that Keith gave me your book to read and in one evening I was able to feel like SOMEONE actually knows what I am going thru with my dad. My dad is in the local personal care home with a Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI) and he is a quadripeligic, my life with him now is quite similar to what you wrote about. Dad rarely knows who I am (but he knows Dennis, my husband) and he has bouts of anger and lashes out with biting or pinching or scratching. I find it hard to visit with him and feel extreme guilt if I havent for a while ... then guilt when I am there because this isnt my dad in this bed... As I read your book I thought "wow...even though our circumstances are different with diagnosis' you went thru what I am going thru" and I cried...like a baby -- lol. With TBI's it is hard to find information about how to deal with things and what is/will happen as everyones brain and coping ablilities are different. And with us being way out here there is no real support group for us. (there is a support group for TBI survivors but nothing really for family members and care givers) so your book was just what my heart needed! Thank you for writing the book and not being afraid to be so open and honest about it all. I truly enjoyed reading it (if that is appropriate to day) and I know that others who read it will feel that same! Jodie Ginter Manitoba |
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Hello, I am a personal support worker that was given your book from one of my clients. I too have taken on the responsibilities of caring for loved ones.....I just wanted to write a small note to tell you how brave you were to do what you did. I was amazed by not only the truths but the information you included in your book. I feel that everyone that will ever deal with this should read your book and if it is ok with you I would love to ask my personal support worker teacher from Oshawa to read it and maybe even make it a project for the students. You can never really understand truly what a caregiver goes through until you
have been there, this book puts things into perspective and really makes you think. I currently do home care for the
city and have come across more and more people that suffer with this illness everyday. Thank you for sharing your
journey with anyone that reads, I must say I commend you and thank you for being one of gods angels.
The best of success in the future. Tricia Lapierre Ontario |
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I just finished reading your book. All I can say is WOW! Arm has always said you were one smart lady. I can't imagine what it took for you to write about your Mom and her dementia. I had no idea you took care of her for 8 1/2 years. I thought she was in a home.
I know how hard dementia is on the person with it but even more how hard it is on the caregiver. It can be a lonely, thankless, exhausting, mind destroying existence for a caregiver. But you also get to know a lot about yourself and your inner strength. I loved your honesty on your feelings and for those caregivers reading your book they will be elated that someone else knows what they are going through. The practical solutions you gave for caregivers is invaluable. I enjoyed how you would refer back to excerpts of your diary. Very effective. I experienced a full range of emotions from "oh, my god", laughter, crying and could feel the love you and your mom came to have for each other. I loved too the pictures. The one on page 20 is how you looked when you came to visit us in Ottawa. We were in awe and your biggest fans. You looked like a movie star to us and we still remember sitting in the bathroom watching you fix your hair and put on your makeup for your date with that hunky guy! You are still one beautiful lady, inside and out. I know your Mom would be proud of you. Yes there were difficult parts to read but she too loved taking care of the sick and would know the information you shared will be helpful to many. Page 132, makes me cry with happiness for you and your Mom. 'I leaned over the bed, placed my hand softly on her shoulder and said "Hi Mom, it's Patricia." She turned over to look at me. When our eyes met, she smiled.' The love between you both at that moment is heartwarmingly, beautiful. I remember moments like that with my Mom too and will cherish them always. I am crying right now...a happy cry..... I am not great writing critiques...a Roger Ebert, I am not. Especially when the author is a teacher. All I know is I am so proud of you and I can't wait to read your next book! Take care of yourself. Love, Gayle Pirie Toronto, Ontario |
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I meant to get back to you earlier about this book. I read it on a day I had off that next week... (yes I cried). I found it interesting and at first I thought it was graphic but as I finished it found it helpful & encouraging & courageous. I know the feeling you had as I experienced similar feelings as a caregiver for 9 months in my home for an 81 yr. old lady who was blind & deaf. At the time, I had 4 children under the age of 6 and just had a new born. She was more work than all 4 of the kids. I had times of frustration & I was tired & it took every strength I had to cope & take care of them all. We made it through until we found a nursing home for her. I learned so much in that experience of patience, understanding of the other person & the situation that they were in & were not able to control. We all loved her & and the kids all learned about compassion & and helping to pitch in. Being a caregiver is a huge responsibility & hats off to you as I'm sure you did the very best that you could. Best of all, this book is a documentary of your trials & accomplishments. Susan Richards Ontario |
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After finishing your wonderful book on Friday I must say THANK YOU !!! Thank you for your book and for writing what needed to be written and read everywhere.
I feel as if we are "old" friends, having shared so many experiences. You were correct (and brave) to make it personal as that makes it much more real. Those suggestions and advice at the close are terrific, right on! I was at the Kent Book Store in Lindsay yesterday waving "Growing Down" at the owner. I told her she should push this book! (They have sold quite a few). So, I bought another copy for our church library and another for the Alzheimer Society. Now they have two. There is a doctor in Peterborough who is a specialist in Geriatrics and an Internist. She is a wonderful lady who has helped so many. She has started a project to educate family physicians re: dementia. This is so NEEDED. I talked to our doctor in 2002 about my concerns for my husband. He said there was no sense in doing anything too early! The lady from the Alzheimer Society said to get a referral to the doctor in Peterborough. She diagnosed my husband in May 2005. I won't bore you with all the details except to say he is well physically at 82, but very confused. The whole range of emotions are gone by and we are coping nicely at home, with the odd respite week at Victoria Manor. You shall have the admiration of all caregivers who are helped by your book. Blessings, Gloria Graham Lindsay, Ontario |
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Pat; somehow you have captured how fragile we humans are, but also the tremendous strength of the same. I knew Granny well, she was loved and respected by many including me. You did what had to be done. Now take a bow, hold your head up high, you are a 'Grand Lady'. (I always knew you were) Love Ya, Bill Bill Barton Uxbridge, Ontario |
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Amazon Review - 4.0 out of 5 stars
"Growing Down", is a vital look, into a world few of us know much about. The writer takes us with her on her Mom's rocky journey through dementia. We experience the writers pain and her love, hopes and frustrations.
For those who are, or will be caregivers, it is a survival manual. For the rest of us, it is a riveting read, full of valuable insights and bursting with love and honesty. Gary Hodgkins Fellsmere, Fl. USA |
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I laughed, I cried, my heart was broken then my heart was warmed by the magnificent job that the writer did for her dear Mother who was suffering from Dementia. In between all that I was enlightened about the demanding role that a caregiver has in dealing with someone with dementia. This book is a must read for all of us.
Pat MacDonald Calgary, AB Canada |
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I finished your book before going to sleep last night. I cried and cried --- I absolutely, unreservedly loved it!
It is polished, professional, heartrending, painful, inspiring, informative. You have done everyone a great service
and should be very proud of yourself. I can so empathize with many things you talked about and so wish that I had
had your book when helping to look after my parents and in-laws. As you so perfectly described in different situations,
it seems that you are in a very lonely, scary place when trying so hard to help your loved one through painful times;
particularly when they are not even sure who you are. You have a great heart and you are now providing comfort
for so many. Bravo!!!
Carol Smith Port Perry, ON Canada |
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Wow! What an awesome story Pat, kudos to you for telling the real facts, feelings and your own personal journey. I will be
passing the book along to my mom who has also looked after both her parents. Thanks for the smiles, tears and total admiration for caregivers everywhere!
Colleen Stewart Lindsay, ON Canada |
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Hi Pat, I have read your book! It was very touching. By including the family pictures in your book, readers can relate to a real person with a real family. There was some repetition but on the whole the book was very well written. You gave us good advice throughout your story. I love your ending. I would recommend that you add caregivers are primarily women. I sincerely appreciate you sharing your story. Lin Buxton Cambridge, Ontario |
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